04-17-05 - 7:04 p.m.
april 17 sunday
what a beautiful day. the sun is shining its warmth down upon us. what do you do with warm weather? you have a picnic! kellyann, brian, matt, and i went to schooly mountain park. its very nice there. we picked a table and grill looking at the lake. a bridge ran over it so people can fish a little beach area was there as well.
brian was our grill master and we dined on hamburgers, hotdogs, corn on the cob, marshmellows and chips.
kellyanns mom and dad joined us for a bit. matt kept the fire in the grill going forever!
kellyanns parents left and we went to the little beach. i made faces in the sand.
brian and i were left to discuss a possible trip to wildwood in the near future. that would be alot of fun. i havent been there in years.
a bit later we packed up all our stuff. matt put the fire out by spitting water on it and off we went.
the first picnic of the year and its only april. cant get much better then that!
april 18 monday
my period is late. i know i cant be pregnant. but what if i was? i mean i began to think about what i would do. keep it? or abandon ship? i hate to say it but i think i would abandom ship. would it be right of me to bring a child into the world when i can barely take care of myself financially? Sure there is welfare and helpful organizations but that is not how i want to have my child brought up. why should other people have to pay for my mistake. welfare isnt bad dont get me wrong. some people really need it and i wouldnt tell them no but its not what i would want when i bring a child into the world. you see i think there should be enough money stored away. money to pay for doctors, clothing, bottles, diapers. you should be absolutely set and ready.
i know that i would feel terrible in choosing to have an abortion. i would prolly go threw some sort of depression but that is better then going from day to day not knowing how i am oging to feed and clothe my child.
not to mention i have plans! i want a planned baby so i could quit smoking and make sure i am not drinking. a proper diet would also be in order. if i had a baby now it would jump around in my tum tum due to the addictions of caffeine and nicotine. i want to know my baby is getting the right amount of every kind of food it needs.
i want to go out and get pregnant womens over alls and be happy something is growing in my belly. i dont want it to feel like a burden. cant be a good mommy like that.
�
�
