12-22-04 - 6:40 p.m.
december 22 tuesday
Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play
My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too
~Faith hill. fromt the grinch who stole christmas
i am not having any fun. tired all the time. tired and not having any fun. i cry alot now too. why? what is wrong with me? is not having a social life that strong in myself that i seriously am this depressed over it?
i have been going home and reading. reading reading reading. thats all my body can handle. i get in the tub and read. i am now reading the pagan crusades which was not what i thought it was going to be but its ok.
i got some pretty cool gifts from the kids at the day care. i got a 50 dollar gc from american express. that rocks. i got another 25 dollar one. a gc to macys and so on and so forth.
my room at the daycare is decorated for christmas and i decorated kellyanns cristmas tree. then why doesnt it feel like christmas? i am usually more excited then this. something is wrong with me. i am just very blah about it this year. go out buy gifts go home wrap gifts. go to bed. woohoo. where is the christmas spirit? why do i feel so empty? even the christmas music holds no joy. i used to drive around longer to listen to the songs on the radio. the charol of the bells and little drummer boy. fuck it all now. i just dont feel right.
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