2004-03-07 - 8:44 a.m.
july 3 saturday
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep."
-Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
i believe there is something wrong with me. i woke up this morning knowing this would be a good day. but deep inside me i wished to cancel it all. deep inside i felt something was going to go very wrong. i have been doing this alot lately. planning things and then canceling them. granted its because mostly everyone said no but 2. but i am just so tired as of late. last night we were supposed to go to the meadowlands for there festival. i just couldnt do it. i was so very tired.
anyway i was on line and i read panilas on line journal. in the journal it stated he was not going to go with us to the redbank fireworks. reading it in the journal made me see red. i couldnt believe he would write it and not call me and tell me it.
a few hours go by and my cell phone rings and he tells me he is not going. i know my tone is one of nastiness. < i mind you all that panila has done this to be on quite a few occasions > he says are you mad? i couldnt even believe he was going to ask me that questions. but ask he did and my answer was YES I'M MAD. he tried to say what an asshole he was and he doesnt do it as much as he used to which made me laugh. nice excuse panila. lol.
anyhow i hung up with him and kellyann picked me up. we went to find meryl linch where she will be having her interview.
after that we made our way to Ds and bullshited and had some pizza. then on to redbank we went. of course i was more then happy to tell them of my unhappiness with panila. kellyann asked why it is i remain friends with someone who keeps doing these things. all in all i have no answer. i love panila. he is a caring person. on occasion. when he feels like bieng. when he doesnt put his foot in his mouth. i think, no i know, he genuianly does care about me. he told me so in the conversation we were having. i did tell him though that if this keeps going on the way it is he will wake up one morning with no friends. i dont know if he took me seriously on this note or not. but what can you do?
we get to redbank and we find a parking garage that you only have to pay 5 dollars to park. so we parked and made our way to wharf street. we lay down a blanket and watched the people.
they had food stands, amd people selling balloons and a stage set up and it was awesome!
so we sat and listened to the bands play and talked.
finally at 9 PM teh best fire work show ever came on. they put the fireworks to music and they are teh same ones that they use in the macys day parade. rock on!
after the fireworks were over i get a call from bob. he is pretty persistant about wanting to meet up. so i told them to meet up with us at Ds. its all i could think to say. i felt bad. so we waited until midnight for them to get to Ds. we were all tired and tomorrow i have to wake up and go to delaware. but anyway...they finally get there. they beign him and his new gf. its the first time we are meeting her. first impression i hate to say it was not too great.
anyway i barely had any time to stay and chat with bob because i needed night night and i felt horrible because kellyann was about to fall over and i know D was tired too. bob and the girl wound up staying until 1:30. i felt soooooo bad. i didnt think they were going to stay that long.
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