2004-07-06 - 5:16 p.m.
june 7 monday
"You were there? Oh, please. If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock."
Spike-Buffy the Vampire Slayer
i got up early this morning so mom can do the hairdini. did it work? no of course not. what a mistake buying that. should have known better but oh well.
so i put on my fake nails and did my hair the best i could, put on eyeliner and went to work. now the people at work have never seen me looking this way before so i was complimented all day which felt really good.
after work i rushed to debs and we both rushed to get dressed. all of a sudden my outfit totally sucked. i had nothing else to change in to so this was it. i just felt really fat in it. i tried it on the other night and i thought it looked good then. but now? no.
anyway we rush to the car and rush to NYC. by the time we got to where we needed to be i was so nervous. i have never been to a magazine premier before and i didnt know how i should act or what i should say if someone were to start talking to me. i didnt know much about bust magazine and i just felt a little out of my league.
ok so we get to sorennas and its so nice inside. black velvet couches, nice tables. it looked like a more posh palmyra. very nice. there were all sorts of people there. from dorky to fashionable, from fat to thin. i still felt the ickiness of my outfit though. even though some people were worse off then i was.
we sat down and looked at the magazine and then talked. no one really bothered us and we sat and took in the scenery.
after awhile we got up and made our way to the bar. they were serving free drinks for a little while and that was happy. after that came the prizes they were giving away. of course me and deb didnt win anything. lol.
after that we checked out the "dance" room which was about as small as my living room. i dont understand how people dance in it but ok. we sat down and my eyes all of a sudden began to burn. i mean i couldnt open my eyes. debs like you know people are going to think i broke up with you. lol. my eyes were just watering and i was miserable. so we wound up leaving.
it was a really good time and all. but i have to say that i am getting sick and tired of the way i look. i mean i let myself go and i am very sad about this. i decided this night i would begin my life anew. a diet! i jsut wanna go somewhere and not think all night. omg i am so fat. omg i look fat in this outfit. omg i suck! i want confidance and all that jazz. so here i go! wish me luck!
we got home on the early side so we went to the diner and i think i hurt debs feelings. she was talking about getting married in vegas and i just came out and said how expensive that would be for her guests. i know that weddings and stuff is a day for the bride and groom. and i wish them the best of luck. i just dont want her to get dissapointed if not a lot of people can go due to money problems. i mean i was thinking about it and you have to get a plane ticket, rent a hotel room, then you have the bachlorette party, the dresses, the hair, the nails, and so on and so forth. it would just be alot of money. and i would feel like shit if i couldnt go. i mean i work for peanuts. i would try my best to go but what if i couldnt? what if i couldnt be there on her special day? i would feel so horrible. anyway...yeah...so that was that really. josh joined us and then i drove my ass home.
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