2004-17-05 - 8:15 a.m.
may 17 monday
Open the gates and seize the day
Don�t be afraid and don�t delay
Nothing can break us
No one can make us
Give our rights away
Neighbor to neighbor
Father to son!
One for all and all for one!
NEWSIES~
work blew. i'm in a horrible mood. hate life, hate people. dont even want to do the whole birthday thing. i would like to call this PMS but i just ended my period. i think this is one of those depression thingies. not to worry. i'll pull myself out of it.
i got home and my mom told me my dog was sick and may have to be put to sleep. THANKS MA. so i waited an hour to hear her conversation with the vet and to not get much out of it. it was like a rollar coaster. yes! oh... oh yeah! oh... oh thats great! mmm... i was like stoooooooooop! but my doggie is ok and that is all that matters.
i watched the adams family tonite and didnt move out of my bed. didnt feel like going anywhere so i just lyed there.
may 18 tuesday
i wanted this icky feeling to end so i decided to call panila and meet him at the diner.
well lets just say i felt no better. panila who told me that he was coming on saturday now tells me that he has his brothers graduation party. how many excuses am i going to get before i say fine go? well i am not waiting around to find out. i said fine go. he was like your turning red. i'll go to Ds. and at that instant i realized i dont want you there. not if your going to be like this. but now i am twice as hurt that he would just pull anything out of his ass not to spend time with me on my birthday. at least thats how that felt. i would have felt 10 times better if he just said you know april jen just dumped me i am feeling a bit down. i think i am just going to stay home. i know thats why he didnt want to come. somehow he is going to hang with jen that night. try and get her back. he thinks i'm stupid. no no honey.
anyway bob and khan we at felix as well and they came over before they left and chatted for a bit. khan told me that black sabbath is playing at ozzfest and i am not going this year so now i am even more upset.
i am glad those 2 came over though. it gave me a chance to kick back. i told panila to call me on my birthday if he remembered or could fit it into his schedual. i dont even know if he feels bad about any of this. i guess it doesnt matter.
i called kellyann and told her of the events going on and she called me back later and i was just so depressed and icky that she yelled at me for not calling her sooner. but she was on vacation ya know? i'm going to go to bed and dream a better day
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