2003-22-05 - 12:32 p.m.
"if tears could build a stairway
and memories a lane.
I'd walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again. "
dear daddy,
i sat in my car tonite and thought of you for the first time in a long time. not true. you are always on my mind but i dont let myself think about you. cuz then i cry. as demonstrated as i sat in my car crying this evening.
its my birthday. i wish so much that you were here for it. i miss you so much.
i took you so much for granted. i cant tell you how much i regret leaving you that day at the hospital. i shoudl have never left that room. should have stayed so i would get my chance to say goodbye. i should have hugged you. should have told you how much i loved you.
instead i cowered behind thinking hes not going to die. i still can hear aunt cathy screaming to us from down the hall. then walking in to the bedroom and seeing you still form on the bed. knowing i would never get to tell you how much i loved you ever again.
i know you know. and i hope heaven is everything you ever wanted it to be. and i hope you are looking after mom. she needs you more than i do.
i'm doing good for myself dad and you would be proud. well as proud as one can be for someone who is still living at home with no boyfriend and an icky salery but its better than before. lol.
i love you dad. and i miss you so much. but i will see you someday and then i will tell you over and over again how much i love you. make up for lost time.
i'm sorry for a heart so big god wouldnt let it live. may angels lead you in
good night.
love april~
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