2003-13-05 - 11:09 a.m.
may 13
somehow ashley having an eating disorder is my fault. aunt cathy told the family she is going for out patient help. so of course aunt cathy also said i knew before any of them. good job! now the whole family calls me at work to yell at me because i didnt tell them. families can be so stupid. you need to keep secrets april. why did you keep that secret april. christ make up your minds. at least someone was looking after ashley. to see these things. no one was looking when i was hopped up on every fuckin drug imaginable. my uncle bruno is like she could die from this. i was like yeah she could but she wont. shes tough. she will make it threw. i did. not with bulemia but with drugs. we are all so strong. but no one gives us the credit for it because what we had to be strong about we had to keep secret.
anyhow...i went to debs house after to tell her about my rotten day. she wasnt home. but josh and christophe were there. i told them about my icky day but of course there always has to be something worse. and it was worse. poor josh. i'm sorry bad things keep happening to you. i just wish once i could have a problem and the rest of the world didnt so i could bitch and not feel bad. ha. like that might happen.
after that i went home so grandma can properly nail my ass to the cross. she didnt though. she was crying. i felt so bad. she doesnt understand why ashley needs to do this. i said its a need to be thinner than the most thinnest girl in school. its a need to be the prettiest. its the need to please a signifcant other. its a desease. it will always be in her. but you cant yell at her. you cant make her feel bad about it. or she will never recover. she needs to knw you love her and that you understand and will help in her recovery as much as possible.
i went to the diner after that with kellyann and told her about my day. it was actually alot of fun. we talked alot about a whole bunch of things and it was nice. i know i see all my friends alot but sometimes there is more to talk about and just have a better time. all the times are good. but you know what i mean. we had our sodas and bagels and a good conversation. those are things that you will remember when your 80 years old. "sonny i had these friends that would go with me to the diner and we would talk about everything and nothing at the same time." these are the things memories are made of.
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