2003-05-05 - 11:21 a.m.
may 5
i am feeling alot better. i took my time this weekend to talk to alot of people and get some misunderstandings and shit out of the way. me and panila had a nice talk and i think everything will be ok. i understand that he has a girlfriend and can not give me all the time he used to. you know what i think it is? is that i am so used to him bieng like you dont call me much anymore blahblahblah and now its happening to me and i dont like it. i'm not used to bieng left behind. most of my other friends just invite the boyfriend or girlfriend along. but panila likes alone time. relationships are soooooo weird. sometimes i thank the gods that i am single.
but work today was good. it was like old times. i had fun with the kids and everything. it was just better.
after work i hung out with robbie and we talked about the whole "i feel excluded thing" he says its because when someone is out or going out and i just say oh i'm going out with d he doesnt want to be like oh can i come. and gets paranoid that we dont want to see him. its understandable. i get paranoid all the time. i dont know why. the first thought in my head is omg they are mad at me. i know most of the time they have no reason to be mad at me but it is the first thought. very strange. i am glad i asked him what he ment though because it was on my mind. and i am trying to clear up as much as possible.
may 6
work was again not to shabby.
after work i went to dennys with D. we had a nice long talk about alot of things. its nice to have D around because she knows what its like to be single. how it can hurt sometimes to realize that we have been alone for so very long. and its nice to know that i am not alone in worrying about how i may be alone for the rest of my life. having my children threw petrie dishes. lol. but you never know how life may go.
may 7
after work today me and deb went to woodbridge mall. it was nice to walk the mall. i always dont wanna go but it wasnt that bad. hot topic has some really cool shoes that i would really like but cant offord at the moment. i got mom her mothers day gift of jewelry. i hope she likes it.
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