2003-21-10 - 11:19 a.m.
oct 21
tonite i saw bezak for the first time in christ only knows how long. we went to applebees and had some beers. i really didnt feel like going to a hole in the wall raritan bar tonite so i made him go to an actual restaurant.
you know sometimes when john asks me for sex i think about it...and i say to myself hell why not? you havent gotten any in awhile. but this is no good. its like a sign of desperation. not because it would be with bezak but because i am actually searching for a one night stand now. that makes me sad for me. i have been alone for so long that i worry about the physical part of a relationship. like i dont think i like to be touched anymore. havent had something in awhile you forget what it can be like then you just start to feel uncomforetable. so even if john was all like yeah lets have sex i dont think i could do it simply for the fact that i would be too scared. what bullshit. i'm 24 years old!
oct 22
tonite me and deb went to mastories. we had a really nice night. we talked and ate ourselves into a small coma.
i still am not really over the whole panila with my cousin thing so when i dropped deb off i called and asked if i could see him a little bit tomorrow. he said yeah.
after that i talked to albert for the first time on the phone for like a year now? it was so good to talk to him again. hes my friend in texas.
after that i met up with khan and chris A. at the diner. andrew walked in and the creepy part about this was that he was actually nice to me. check that shit out. now i'm confused. lol. its much easier when you know you hate the person and that person hates you.
�
�
