06-19-05 - 11:45 a.m.
june 19 sunday
today is fathers day. i vowed that i would go to the cemetary this holiday. so i did. biggest mistake of my life. i was in there for 2 seconds before niagra falls came flowing from my eyes. i saw his name written. the birth and death date. i hate it. i hate that hes gone. i miss him so much. things just are so unfair. i am so fine when i stay away from that place. when i go in i am a mess.
i went home and tried to hide it from my mother and family. i smiled and pretended like all was well. then i went to walmart and bought some DVDs. that made me feel better.
then aunt cathy had a bbq at her house. that was alot of fun. steve is a grill masta!
why is it that i cant go see my dad? what is it that makes me so upset? i mean i live with the fact that he is dead everyday. everyday i am pretty stable about it. i mean i miss him and all but i am not a reck.i dont wanna think about this anymore. my head hurts. badly.
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