05-13-05 - 6:59 p.m.
may 13 friday
tonite petrov and i rd 800 miles to get to panilas apartment. hes been living there like a year and i still have yet to see it. now i know why no one wants to go there. so fuckin far away! he is the last exit before the ny thruway. i also understand why he isnt in bridgewater all that often. what a haul!
It was nice to see him. we watched a movie, or attempted to. rich talks alot during movies. rich and panila drank and then we hit it home. on the way home however petrov was acting kinda odd. touching me alot and telling me if i wanted to go to his house and we happened to have sex that would be ok. lol. i know he was drunk but it was still weird to hear. especially from him. usually when he is drunk he just talks alot about nothing. this converstaion had purpose! lol. he never propositions me for sex either. would i have sex with rich petrov? i really dont know the answer to that. maybe so...maybe no. mostly i would stick with no though. him bieng like a big brother to me and all. lol.
it was a nice night though cuz its been a long time since we have all hung out. i also got to meet chris's cats! very cute but boy did the make my alergies go all nuts!
may 14th saturday
i spent most of today washing and cleaning my car! it looks fuckin awesome! well compared to the train wreck it was before.
tonite was dinner with D then we sat on her back porch for a long time talking and laughing. finally we got ready for the breakfast club. it was just going to be here and i tonite. part of me wanted to tell her lets go to the shore but off we went.
the club was packed with every kind of twinkie under the son. hoochi mamas by the tons. D and i stood there for a very long time. we wanted to dance, we wanted to not feel so self conscience. we just wanted to have fun. but we couldnt. we couldnt because we are constantly worrying about what others are going to say. about our weight, about how we dance. we are both afraid of people pointing and laughing at us. much as we point and laugh at others. but we wont go there right now.
finally after about an hour we dropped are guards some and got on the floor. we tried to dance but the twinkies were hoggin the floor. god it was aweful! you couldnt dance even if you wanted to. people stepped on you, hit you with purses. finally i got so fuckin fed up i asked D if she wanted to go. so go we went.
i can say that at least D and i got on the dance floor this time. i wish others had come. i thought this would be the kind of event that everyone would be up for. its amazing what people will respond to and what they will not. oh well. better luck next time.
may 15 sunday
robbie and i went into aunt cathys hot tub. VERY NIIIIIIIIICE!
then we went to friendlies. i began to tell robbie that D is spending way too much on my birthday presant. he says to me, dont you think your worth it? i was lke waht? hes like your worth it. that felt very good to hear. i know how much the tickets are and she shouldnt be spending all that money on me. robbie said that if D wanted to do it then i should shut up. lol. i love robbie. he is too much. but it did get me thinking. do i really deserve this wonderful treatment? have i been a good friend to these people? i think i have. you never know though. for the most part i know i can say that i do alot for my friends and family. even i cant deny that. but still i wish D would let me pay for half the ticket.
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