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02-19-05 - 1:01 p.m.

feb 19 saturday

D and i tried to go to the overnight at some hotel. Deb spent alot of time on it and i wanted to be supportive. We walked in and realized it just wasnt for us. Lots of nerds freaks and weirdos there. Hill was there and can you believe she came to talk to us like me and her were the best of friends? are you kidding me? we stayed long enough to say hi to deb and josh then left.
So what do we do now? We go to atlantic city! We ate dinner at the ceasars grill and gambled a few bucks. winning nothing.
The best part about these trips is the car ride. me and d always talk about the weirdest things. lol

march 1 tuesday
I was at work when my grandma called to tell me aunt mary died.
she was 97 and spent her days at the beidge way nursing home not knowing her ass from her elbow. part of me was relieved. she wasnt living. i often wondereing why she was holding on for so long.
I also couldnt help but feel guilty. I never visited her and i know taht she wouldnt have known who i was but i could have read to her or something. again i got cheated out of a proper goodbye.
When i got home my house was a zoo grandma was worried about feeding people after the funeral, mad that mom forgot to tell the people to paint her nails pink. grandpa was quiet, this was his sister. aunt maryann and uncle bruno came over and sat in silence. I curled inside myself as usual.

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