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01-14-05 - 6:01 p.m.

jan 14 friday

This morning i woke up early even though i did not have to work. I took the day off so i could spend time with my family.
Katie was still sleeping but persephone played on the floor. This gave my grandmother a chance to the babys belly with treats of all kinds. potatoe chips, pretzels, ice cream, eggs, you name it.
When katie finally got up we got dressed and made our way to RC FINE FOODS to visit aunt cathy. The first thing aunt cathy said was christ katie dont you eat? the kid has gotten very thin. thinner if you can believe it. i believe now she only wieghs 85 lbs. this worries me greatly. Aunt cathy showed the baby to everyone.
Then we went to my job where i proudly introduced my neice to my co workers. wendy and brenda and joy especially.
Persephone has not yet learned to walk. she walks on her knees which everyone found to be hysterical.
It was when i was on my way to somerset medical center to visit my mother that i recieved a rather horrid phone call. Deborah called me to inform me that hillary went on line last night and bashed my entire family on her livejournal. Calling my grandfather a racist bastard. This made me very angry. As i was about to visit my mother i told deborah i would call her back.
We walked in to the building and i knew i could not hide the anger i was feeling. My mother knew almost instantly that i was not happy. But i told her nothing. Instead i handed the baby to her and she proudly showed her work friends.
When we arrived home i did not enjoy the company of my sister and my niece. i sat in my car on the phone with deb as she read to me what hillary wrote. The line her grandfather is a racist bastard ran over and over making my blood run hotter and hotter. I wanted nothing more then to run over to her house and kick the living shit out of her. because not only was she bashing my family but airing out their dirty laundry which i told her in confidance.
maybe you will not understand why i got so angry and that is fine. i know that no one speaks lowly of me and my own. i know that my family has done things for me that not many families would have done. any one that has ever entered my door has been treated with respect. black white yellow green it never mattered. sure there are racist comments but tell me you never made one. tell me that you still dont. my grandfather is from another time. another way. leave him be. hes 80 years old. he is my rock and i love him dearly. without him life will become even harder.
i told this all to hillary and much more when she finally called me much later after i called her and chewed out her answering machine.
I was on my way to talbots my second job when she finally called. At this point my mother and grandmother found out about hillary. They knew i was not happy and i was not about to keep this from them. my grandfather doesnt know and i shall keep it that way.
Hillary cried and she told me she valued my friendship and did not mean to hurt me. As i was working at talbots i thought to myself maybe i was bieng to hard on her. maybe it was just a moment she had. D and kellyann came by and gave me a frappcino. something in Ds face told me something was wrong. she told me all was fine but i dont know...she seemed like she wanted to tell me something. they left very quickly.
On my way home i called kellyann to tell her about my conversation with hill and how maybe i had gone too far with my yelling. She told me i hadnt. She told me there was no reason for me to feel quilty. I kept thinking how something was not right. Something was not bieng told to me.
i got home and the baby was already asleep but katie wasnt so we spoke of the days events. The baby woke up and i played her for like 2 hours. she fell back asleep in my arms. Thank god she was here. having her sleeping in my arms gave me a moment of peace.

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