2004-10-07 - 6:52 p.m.
october 7 thursday
Dreams surely are difficult, confusing, and not everything in them is brought to pass for mankind. For fleeting dreams have two gates: one is fashioned of horn and one of ivory. Those which pass through the one of sawn ivory are deceptive, bringing tidings which come to nought, but those which issue from the one of polished horn bring true results when a mortal sees them.
Homer (800 BC - 700 BC), The Odyssey
i took today off of work to pick up my sister at newark airport. me and grandpa blindly found the parking for terminal C. we blindly found the screens which told us where to go. we waited by the baggage claim for what seemed like hours before we saw a frail katie with 2 bags and a baby strapped to her chest in a divice that looked less then comfy.
i was worried that the baby would not come to me. maybe she had forgotten me. she had not. she came to me easily and i made her laugh. she is so beautiful.
we grabbed katies luggage and made our way home. i dropped off grandpa and went to the kiddie academy to show off my niece. everyone said how beautiful she was and i was happy.
we went home to the open arms of family. everyone was happy and the baby crawled on the floor chattering away.
katie plays an interesting game with persephone. she takes all the toys that persephone reaches for saying MINE. persephone gets up and shakes her fists at katie making the funniest faces.
katie has little puffy ball things that perspephone can eat. we gave her the jug to play with and she opened it up with the 4 teeth she had. it was so funny. so cute.
we watched that baby for 2 and a half hours. i was so happy.
i called deb but her phone was off. poor things prolly asleep. i called kellyann but she seemed less then thrilled. she just went threw surgery and i wasnt able to see her because i was sick. i asked her if she wanted to come and see the baby tomorrow night and she sounded again less then thrilled. i guess i can understand. here i am asking her to do something for me and i wasnt even able to go and see her after her surgery. my high is now gone.
then i check my computer and my away message said to call me if you wanted to see the baby. well panila IMed me saying "i dont wanna see your stankin neice." again my feelings were hurt. big time. he knows that that baby means the world to me. so why would you say something like that?
i just get so excited and i want people to share it with me. is that so much to ask? that you take a couple of mins to share something with me after all that i went out of my way to share with you? i just dont get it.
maybe it something i have done wrong. maybe i havent been there as much as i think i am. i dont know. all i know now is i am tired. tired of alot of things. the way i am treated at times. i am not asking for the world. just some happiness that i am happy. i havent been truly happy in awhile. dont get me wrong i would totally understand if kellyann was sitting at home thinking why should i do this for her? she didnt come and see me. but i would have. i totally would have if i wasnt sick, loaded up on TUSSIN. and of course i could be over reacting. she just didnt sound happy that i asked. i shouldnt have i guess. i dont know. i just feel terrible. i dont want to feel this way. my niece is here. god and she is so smart and so beautiful. i want to enjoy it. i will. but i have a heavy heart i hope will mend in time.
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